For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling pretty good about the timing of things.
This is not normal.
It’s strange when things are starting to work according to some loose plan or series of ideas I have in my typically swirling brain. I always have some kind of loose plan, but I’m very much a self-taught, stumble through life kind of guy, so usually, my plans end up more like suggestions that are derailed by constant plot twists.
I used to get very upset when this would happen (which is often), but I like to think I’m better about that now. Maybe I’m just getting older and wiser — most likely just lazier. For a long time, those close to me didn’t like how I would react to these setbacks. Many wouldn’t understand why I’d be so irate. It’s hard to explain. Maybe it’s a creative-ambitious-person thing… Maybe it’s a self-taught, MUST-find-non-traditional-ways to succeed type thing… Both probably. It’s just that every time something knocked me off what I thought was a good path I was laying out for myself, it represented more than a failure — it was yet another sign that no, I really DON’T know what I’m doing.
And for a responsible guy with a bunch of kids, no degree, and no handed-down financial safety net in sight, who risked a lot to choose these non-traditional paths, that thought was scary.
Maybe now I’ve simply survived enough plot twists. Maybe I really am happy with everything I have. Since I have all the things to be day-to-day happy — a healthy, loving family, a decent-paying job that actually lets me do some good for the world, a nice place to live, etc. — my ambitions (hip-hop related writing, speaking, research, advocacy, etc.), are more ‘wants’ than ‘needs’. Still, they are hugely important to me, and I truly believe that what I’m trying to accomplish could benefit a lot of people, so I take the self-imposed responsibilities very seriously.
So, I’m cautiously optimistic that the recent examples of things falling into place — acceptance to speak/present at certain conferences that are close in scheduling and proximity, allowing me to minimize my away-from-home time — getting word that I am cleared to participate in a major “thing” which would also align well, schedule-wise, with other obligations — a few added well-timed revenue opportunities (which are ALWAYS a plus) — are giving me the strange feeling that maybe, for once, my plans aren’t so crazy after all.
I still have one pretty big thing I’m waiting on, and if that happens, you won’t be able to tell me nothin’!
But if it doesn’t, that’ll be ok too. Even today, when there were several hiccups that might normally have worked to derailed my confidence, poison my mood, I wouldn’t let them. I’m staying positive. Sticking to the plan. Pushing through the plot twists.
There’s a phenomenon that I know a lot of folks are familiar with — when things are going really well, you expect something’s going to go wrong. And something inevitably does, so the next time things are going well, you expect the same thing.
Well, of course at SOME point, SOMETHING will happen which might interrupt an active glow up, but that doesn’t mean it has to NOW. Nor does it mean that it has to completely derail EVERYTHING.
As Coleman — my brother from another mother — loves to say, “Sh*t happens.”
Well, yes Coleman. Yes it does. The key, as Mrs. Faces has been trying to get me to understand for years, is to not let that sh*t stop your progress.
It’s easier said than done of course — probably harder for a slightly insecure, perpetually-scared-to-eff-it-all-up kinda guy like me, so it’s taken me a long, long time to be able to put that into action, but I do think I’m getting there.
Which isn’t normal. But it does feel good.